Round 4: Neuropathy Arrives, and So Does My Fight

Wednesday marked Round 4 of my very intense chemo journey. If you have been following along, this is all within 62 days of the stage 4 colon cancer with metastatic spread to the liver news hitting my brain wire. It is not lost on me that the power of my network and a relentless bias for action have blessed me with the ability to even have four sessions accomplished this fast. This session was special because both of my adult children were with me at the infusion center, along with my Aunt Tina. I am going to focus on that gift before I close my eyes tonight (by the time this posts it will be midnight as I started writing late) and thank God I have them to help me get through this.

😷 Facebook Group Support

The epiphany on how much action has happened in two short months hit me tonight when my daughter Gina encouraged me to join a Facebook support group. I saw very different stages of action inside that group, based on each person's willingness to take agency and their understanding of where to even start with managing this process. I joined the group very reluctantly. I have been largely off social media and have used this single site to stay connected with my friends and family. My work network is included in friends and family, literally and figuratively. I no longer separate those relationships, and I am proud of the meaningful connections I have made with people all over the world across my long career.

As I sit here with my pump tonight, lying in bed thinking about the next two days, I am so grateful I was able to eat with some gusto over the last two days. I specifically spent time hunting down cold things to enjoy, like smoothies and iced coffee, because those are forbidden over the next week due to cold sensitivity.

🥶 Damn you, Oxaliplatin!

Speaking of cold sensitivity, this is what I really wanted to update everybody on. As I was leaving the chemo center, I had my first real run-in with neuropathy. Oxaliplatin is the culprit, the drug that causes extreme cold sensitivity for a solid four or five days post chemo and builds up over time.

Something as simple as walking down two flights of stairs out to the parking lot, while holding the metal handrail, caused a temperature change in my hands and fingers that felt like an electric shock. That pins and needles feeling so many people have described, the one you cannot really understand until you have been through it yourself. Yeah curse you, Oxali!!

🤮 The Sitch at Home

If you read yesterday's post, you know I am also dealing with water damage. We are in the middle of figuring out where it is coming from and getting the basement cleaned up. It looks like we will also have a small demolition project in the kitchen ceiling for related issues, which will be a good reason for me to head back to my Chicago apartment before I end the lease and give it up next month. When I walked into the house, the smell of something gone wrong could not be ignored. It is a problem that needs urgent attention. Tomorrow morning I meet the contractor who will take a look and try to diagnose it.

🙏 My Hope was challenged for a few days, and I got it back

I have to admit, the last four or five days of mental stress got me into a dark spot, and that is not where I normally stay as a human being, no matter what life has thrown at me. Ninety nine percent of the time I am very positive and carry strength and resolve. But I was tested, I was weak, and I lost hope for a few days.

Through the energy of the post I shared, an overwhelming number of people privately reached out, sent messages, checked in on me, and encouraged me to keep moving forward and not give up the fight. They know what I have inside of me.

🥷 I am back, bitches.

The fight is here and it is here to stay. I will not pretend that the feelings of doubt will not come back, and I will not be afraid to post about them when they do, because this journal is my way of being transparent, and writing IS my therapy. Your words of encouragement are my medicine.

🛟 You asked how you can help, well here is my ask

I would ask all of my friends, family, and business colleagues to pray for my family. Strength for my kids and for Bobby, whose lives have also been turned upside down, inside out, backwards and sideways. They are fighting their own feelings of stress, worry, and doubt, and I need them to be prayed for too. if you personally know them, let them know you are here for them too.

Everybody asks what they can do for me when they reach out. This is now my ask. Love all of you. ❤️