A sanctuary, hummingbirds, and the kindest neighbors

Today I am fighting hard to stay ahead of the nausea, and so far, success. I will take every small win I can get right now.

The night sweats are still an absolute nuisance. They keep yanking me out of any deep sleep, drenched in cold water like I just stepped out of a lake. I am hoping my body figures out a smoother rhythm soon, but for now I just keep changing into something dry and trying again. Having to wash clothes, sheets, pillows at 2am and then a bonus round at 4am - no bueno.

Thanks to my sons, my backyard has turned into a little sanctuary. It is the kind of space where I can sit and breathe and feel like the world is still gentle. I love the mini garden, the hammock, swing, etc. next project is the hot tub but that won’t be for me obviously as long as I am on these heavy pain meds.

![My backyard, my little sanctuary by the water](https://clbsskcxwqktlnebnxge.supabase.co/storage/v1/object/public/media/journal%2F2026-05-25-backyard-sanctuary.jpeg)

My dear friend Joni brought me a hummingbird feeder this week, can’t wait to see them flying around that sweet nectar. Honestly, the most amazing part of today was seeing my neighbors come to trim up my front shrubs and bushes so I could get a better solar charge on the Birdfy and of course a better view. I was emotional seeing them all in my front yard - I’m not used to the lack of independence I’m feeling in day 40 of this journey. Totally out of sorts but beyond words feeling deep appreciation and love everywhere.

![Neighbors trimming the front yard bushes so I have a clear view of the feeder](https://clbsskcxwqktlnebnxge.supabase.co/storage/v1/object/public/media/journal%2F2026-05-25-neighbors-helping.jpeg)

And look who already came by to say hello. A little flash of red on the feeder, right where the view used to be hidden.

![A red house finch on the feeder in the front yard](https://clbsskcxwqktlnebnxge.supabase.co/storage/v1/object/public/media/journal%2F2026-05-25-house-finch.jpeg)

Yesterday, Leslie made sure we had our Egg McMuffin experience by the lake, and even the husbands joined us despite it being a rainy mess. There is something so ordinary and so sacred about a breakfast sandwich with people you love, water in front of you, no agenda.

Last night, Angela rubbed my swollen feet for almost two hours while I drifted in and out of half sleep. Miraculously, because of her, I woke up this morning with no edema at all. None. My feet slid right into the fancy slippers that were gifted to me by my Google family, and I almost cried at how good that small thing felt. Feeling a little fancy with something special like slippers does distract from my loss of hair, my muscle deterioration and everything else going on.

![My feet up in the sun, in the fancy slippers from my Google family, no edema today](https://clbsskcxwqktlnebnxge.supabase.co/storage/v1/object/public/media/journal%2F2026-05-25-gucci-slippers.jpeg)

There is so much more I want to write down, the little moments, the names, the way the light hit the yard this afternoon. But as we wind down, I am ready for bed again. The rest will keep until tomorrow.